I’ll meet you on the dance floor

Oh no, it's the Morning Line

The results are back from the boys in the lab, and apparently, we won. Just what the last 16 of the most prestigious club competition on earth is going to make of us is another matter.

Looking at the players' positions as calculated as an average point of all actions where they touched the ball, we can see Tony went for a more shock-absorbing formation, but if we’re honest with ourselves, it really is all much of a muchness.

This again reinforces the suggestion that whatever we are witnessing, whatever complaints or praise we might have, all of it needs to be aimed at the players. As opposed to the go-to solution of many a knuckle-dragging supporter, who, when unable to process what he’s watching, defaults to #ConteOut.

You’re right, that does look narrow, and Marseille unsurprisingly worked the wings. As ever, we ploughed straight down the middle.

The xG documents nothing we didn’t already know. Spurs (dark line) scored twice despite themselves. We also shot from range. The average shot distance of our hosts was 17.4 m to pour own 27.4 m.

Our 38% possession was underscored by all the attacking data. Rope-a-doper was about the full extent of the mighty Tottingham offer.

The question is, will we survive against sides that are less naff than Marseille? All we can do is revisit the evidence from the Premier League, where WE ARE STILL IN THIRD offers as much insight as IT IS NOT RAINING HERE.

Domestically we do quite well playing poor and or indifferent sides, but the moment anyone a bit good crosses our path, the wing nuts on the old wheels begin to loosen.

The same is highly likely to happen in Europe, how long we remain in this tournament is anyone’s guess.

The last 16 draw will be held next week. on Monday morning, at the House of European Football at UEFA headquarters in Switzerland.

As per the Group stages, EUFA’s ape shall not kill ape policy continues to apply, so we won’t be playing Manchester City, Chelsea or Liverpool.

The draw for the last eight and the semi-finals will be held on March 17, with the quarter-final first legs held on April 11-12 and the second legs on April 18-19.

The first legs of the semi-finals will be held on May 9-10, and the second legs on May 16-17. The Champions League final will then be held in Istanbul on June 10.

This, for the fantasists amongst you, means that Spurs could have all our injured players back for this tournament, and, if we made two decent signings in January like we did last January, be in a much better position than we currently are. Conte would commit to commitment, and I’ll meet you on the dance floor.

There is, of course, an alternative version of how things play out, but it is a bloodied nightmare too awful to publish.